You either got it or you don't have it at all.

I'm a total disappointment to myself. I made tons of promises which I don't keep. I forget things every now and then. I cheat when I'm suppose to be working. I go back to the same dark course after promising God and myself that I wouldn't. Are all these symptoms of my post trauma? Or am I just making all these up in my head? Is there really something beyond my power that is pulling me back and down on my knees all the time, or am I just plain lazy and a pure fool?

I am acting so weird and strange. I don't know how to tell between a hallucination and reality. I am getting weirder and stranger by the day.