Come to my aid, my Lord.

Ok. So yesterday saya ada money issue. But prior to this, saya baru saja tahu yang when we pray we need to give specific details on what we're praying/ requesting/ asking for from God. Knew this from a friend dan juga from the Catholic Daily Meditations (CDM). I always thought kan, yang when I need to pray for something, I'm not 'supposed' to ask secara spesifik sebab it would make me look as if saya ini selfish di depan Tuhan. I don't know from where I get the idea tapi the thought is deeply rooted in my heart and veins. So, now that I know, I'm working on this.

And then ada satu lagi statement yang selama ini I'm having problem also.. and that is to include 'thy will be done' in my prayers. There is nothing wrong in that statement but, macam apa yang saya found out from the CDM, it's wrong to say it and at the same time meragui yang Tuhan will answer my prayers. Yes! When I think about it, I am exactly that kind of person just a few days ago, and masih lagi that same person but sekarang ada improvement suda sikit-sikitlah. Before, bila saya pray.. after making lists of permintaan la kan, somewhere mau dekat-dekat the end, saya mula meragui yang Tuhan will answer my request in time. Bila keraguan itu mula mengambil tempat dalam hati saya, I end my prayers with 'if it's not your will Lord, then let it be. For only Your will be done unto me'. It is supposed to be saya submit to my creator dengan rela hati. Tapi, instead, saya menyerah kalah.

Now, I'm hanging on to the words of my prayers. If it's going to take me like what Hannah (Women of God, from the Old Testament) did, when she came to Lord in all her pain, and God answered her, then I will do exactly that.

"Tuhan, saya tidak akan budge from my stand. I know You can see my anguish and the deep despair that I wear on my heart everyday. I beg you Lord, please do not cover Your face from me any longer. Please come and listen and answer me. Please do not turn me away for another day. I know You will come and for that I glorify Your name today."