The talk moved me in every bits and pieces. Somehow it had made me so unsettled in the gut. As if I need to search for the answers. But, do I even have the question? I am going through a spiritual disturbance, which I know could not be the work of evil. It restrains me from my usual tendencies. My prayer life seems to have been uplifted to a level I've never known I'm capable of reaching before.
Then there is the Diary: The darkness and heaviness that comes from God, cannot be uplifted by anything or anyone except God permits it.
I'm not seeing visions. Nothing apparent so far. I'm not hearing voices, but I've been receiving distant whispers from the abyss of my heart. The scourging at the pillar, the site of Calvary, the instinct to help voluntarily in an institution, the drops of bloods, the urging to write about miracles.
I wish I can asked someone, who has the wisdom to tell me what I'm going through. But no such one has arrived on my path yet. At the moment, I'm dependent only to my Lord and my God.
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