Who am I really am?

I never thought I am going to post this question again. Not that I have ever got an answer for it. It is just that, time has gone by so much... and life was passing by so quickly that I forgot such things. And then, like a bomb being dropped right in the middle of where I am, I am pulled into a circuit and I need to find a way out. That's when I heard 'Eli Stone' said about being 'gifted'. 

When you have a 'gift' remember that it is given. When you have a 'gift' you belong to the world. It is not up to you to say 'NO' or keep it back from the world. No matter how much you want to. 

I may not remember my 'gift(s)'. As a matter of fact I am not really sure if I have any anyway. Yet right now I feel like I am holding something back, something that does not belong to me. (And this is my cue to start crying). Seriously, I don't know where to start looking for answers. Do I need to know if I am gifted, then I can know what I am supposed to do? Or do I need to know what I am supposed to do, then figure myself out? I don't know where to start my search. I just don't know anything anymore. It feels like that part of me has been erased, and I guess I am the one who hold the rubber. 

Not knowing where you're supposed to go is scary. A broken compass means I am in big trouble. But I wouldn't be using a compass if I don't know how to work around it in the first place. Well, what I am trying to say is... if I don't know how to read the signs, I sure am considered lost. 

So what is this tugging feeling inside my gut that somehow is telling me like I am holding something back, something that is not mine, from the rest of the world? And though it isn't something that belongs to them either, there is a sense that they have the right to know about it too. 

I never asked to be given anything, in the first place. 

Of course it is. Or else it wouldn't be a 'gift' would it? 

Let me break this down on why this current situation is getting on my nerves. I have a severe identity issue crisis. And now with this 'gift' issue staring me straight in the face? It's overwhelming! (And this is my cue to get a breather).

Okay. Let’s forget for a moment about the whole sum-up that I just gave a while ago. Let's try to look at it from a different angle. Maybe I am not that 'gifted' after all. Maybe this is just a game I am playing with my head because I am being too sensitive with my surroundings which is the result of my pre-menstrual hormones. Yes. That could probably be it. And as time goes by, everything will fall back into perspective again. 

Okay. And that's how I am going to end this post. (And this is the cue for the juries to deliberate).