Can anyone hear me?? Hello? Someone??

I just can't seem to find my grounds on committing to a project. First, I so-called booked myself on a mission. And then I bailed out even before I start the dirty work!!! WTF is wrong with me??? I don't like being like this anymore. I don't want to be the one who is crushing my own dreams. I don't want to keep on disappointing myself. It seems like I am the only one responsible for keeping myself down. I dragged myself over the edge, over and over again. I am the one who is actually holding a knife and is about to slit my own throat. Yet something or someone, somehow, is restraining me.

WELL WHOEVER YOU ARE, CAN'T YOU STOP MYSELF FROM RUINING MY OWN LIFE??? I DON'T LIKE TO BE IN THIS GAME ANYMORE!! Please.. God if you're reading this, please help me. Please stop me from hurting my life.

Tons of people have been saying to me that I have potential. And I believed them. It's just that that belief is not strong enough for me to actually live by it. And to make it worse, I don't know what is. The events in my life has been like a whirlpool; sucking me in so deeply that I'd come out more confused than before. Whatever I'd accomplished in the past does not seem to matter now, because I don't seem to remember any of them.

Am I losing my mind? Am I suffering from some kind of dementia? I'm in Borneo. Where can I find help? If anyone, someone, is reading this, please help me. I don't want my life to end just yet.