Excuse me, but who died exactly and made you king of anything????

Being the silent rebel, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG. It's like a good long-awaited whack on the head and it made me remember that I should be proud with the kind of shoe I'm walking in, today! :))))

Lately I noticed that my attitude is going through a rollercoaster change. And lately too a lot has been changing around me. Opportunities are coming up. Breakthroughs are feasible. A few things which I've been struggling before began to loosen up for me. I hope this period of abundance last longer this time. Who knows ya when the drought will come(?) But for now, my only care is to enjoy these moments like a Queen.

Help me picture my new baby.

OK. So it's 3:30pm right now in KK, Sabah, Malaysia, and I still haven't touch my work! Great, isn't it! Bad? Of course it's bad because I feel bad for not feeling that bad about not doing a single work today. So what exactly am I doing right now? Well, at least I should have something on my sleeve to compensate the time I've been wasting today. Alright-ey then. I'll spill.. I'm thinking of creating another blog. Something that looks more professional, more informative and more about what I love to do and be doing. So I browse mercilessly from one blog after the other. My fingers are moving and clicking the mouse like no one's business. I need to find an idea somewhere, somehow and fast. So I found out this website which gives a 100 ideas on blogs that he thinks 'I' should do. This is something, I thought. So I run through the list and... jeng jeng jeng.. I found it. Well I actually found a few that seem to ring the same level of connection with my brain waves and soul. I'm gonna list it here and hopefully, if there is someone who is actually reading this right now, you could help me decide which topic suits me better. And should there be no responds from the 100 gazillion possible people out there I will still take me time out and work on this new project of mine. This should be fun, I think??!!

1) On no. 91 - Interview with a veteran. I love talking with people, whether their young, old, religious or carefree, famous or living on the low key, whoever and whatever. There is so much I can learn from someone, the do's and the don'ts of life and perceptions. If I do this it needs more than just hard works. I need to be disciplined and I need to actually call, make an appointment, come up with good questions, do a write up, get the approval and then post it on the blog. I need to take pictures, do a follow up if it's necessary and keep on finding fresh ideas on subjects and who to talk to. Oh the my goodness...

2) On no. 83 - Letting go. I could talk about the things, in my daily life, that I have learned to let go or in the process of letting go. I could put in my struggle and the victories. It can be anything. From habits to cravings. From anything that is solid to pure conceptions.

3) ...

Damn! I only found 2 ideas that suits me. Hey. I think I can actually pull this together. Well, I guess it is never too late to redesign a passion. I will still keep this one as my personal journal. I have great memories here. Didn't I just discover my new baby here?

My prayer for strength.

God, your works are mysterious. Sometimes it can be so overwhelming and on other times it is just too hard to comprehend. Yet, I still believe that you have your reasons and no matter how worse it gets I believe your hand is here holding me and never letting me go through it all alone. 

Whenever I'm about to fall Lord, grab me and pull me back to my feet. 
Should I fall Lord, and have no desire to rise again, just grab me and pull me back to my feet. 

Jesus, if this relationship is from you, then help me to see it through. Yet, should this be not of your will, then help me to go through it too, calmly and with your strength. I cannot do this alone Lord. I have no strength to walk in the valley of darkness alone. So be by my side Lord. Please be by my side.

My dearest Mother. Guide my heart, my mind, my actions, my feelings and my soul, so that I can see what Jesus wants me to do and to be. You too have gone through a period of uncertainty. Please be with me Mother, as I pass through my period of uncertainty. Please be with me, my precious Mother. 

Jesus, Mary & Joseph, save souls!

The hunt continues to another day..

Well, at least I got an idea how I want my wedding invitation to be like. I'm not gonna spill everything here but just a clue or two; it's gonna be all pastel and close to the heart. A wedding ceremony should be about the couple, right? ... Well, to me, half of it is absolutely about us as a couple and half of it is all about our life; the family we're born into, the dis/ likes of our nature, the heritage that we're proud to inherit and the faith that has and will keep us strong. This wedding will not be something that people are going to remember or talk about but simply a memory that I want us to remember and love retelling it to our children over and over again.

We have indeed gone so far to get to where we are and will be in a year or two from now. Of course I want to celebrate the achievement and journey with style. It's him, it's me and it's US. We are a team who loves being in style.



A favour too much.

Today I don't feel blue, or suicidal or even crazy. I'm feeling very natural. I still found myself getting annoyed now and then. But other than that, I'm doing pretty fine. Now starts my new project. I know that I still have more than a year to plan for the wedding but it's nice to do research and find out what, which and where suits best. Today it's all about the colours and combinations. It's one thing to have a theme and another to give the occasion a gloss of character. For me I decided to choose the later, since my future husband and I are having mixed emotions about our favourite colours: WE DON'T HAVE ONE, AND WE SEEM TO LOVE ALL. So, I'm going to post a couple of pics here and would appreciate it very much if you could help me with narrowing down the selection.

black & blue

black & blue & a stinch of white

 yellow & black

 green & black & white on some

purple sunset

 purple daisies

 red & black

yellow flower & a dab of green

P.S. - My fiancé and I want to have a wedding that says a lot about us; our personality, our individuality, our strength as a couple and our love. We are both very strong minded people in our own senses and terms. We are all mushy & gooey, sometimes for me, while for him whenever he has a glass or two of montoku too much. Haha! I’m a hopelessly romantic buffoon while he is the most romantic fool I’ve ever known. So, I hope these bits of pieces can guide you in doing your selection for us. Thank you so much.

 

I will let the memories of you fill my heart and soul. I will never let the flame burn out.



In ever loving memory of

Fr Joseph Dapoz, MHM

(1920 - 2011)

Our loved ones who have gone before us are now our angels; and they are watching us closer than we can ever imagine.

The Perfect Picture

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy Catholic Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting.

Look to the Lord. Don't just look at the dead body.

Our journey in life is to be with God, someday soon. Yes indeed death is a dreadful occasion. But as a Christian who is a Catholic I need to embrace death as much as I embrace life. Why? Because that is what God wants me to do.

Biasalah – dimana ada kematian disitu ada kesedihan. But do not dwell in sorrow for too long. Macam dalam homily Archbishop John Lee today at the requiem mass of the late Fr. Dapoz. When Jesus saw how Mary cried for her brother, Jesus felt a deep sorrow in his heart and he wept too. But, not because of sadness he wept. His tears were of disappointment because Mary, one of the Bethany Sisters, still look to the lifeless body instead of to the One who gives life and the Resurrection.

Fr. Dapoz is now in heaven, rejoicing with Mary, the saints, angels and all the holy people who have made it there. That is my faith and saya percaya itu 100 percent. So what now, after the burial and everything? My life will continue its journey and, just like all my loved ones who had gone before me, the memories that we shared will always be in my heart.

I will keep Fr. Dapoz’s legacy alive: to love and serve the Lord and His people, in my calling. From now I will have the more reason to keep my eyes fix to the Lord. From now I will be in a more and better communion with the saints in heaven. From now I will be what God wants me to become. And since the journey will definitely have its own twists and turns, then Fr. Dapoz, please pray for me to Jesus. Watch over me and guide me so that I can be the person that Jesus wants me to be.

Tick Tock..goes the clock.

Katakanlah tomorrow I didn't get to tell my folks about my plans, terus amacamlah? How can I go on like this? I cannot lie to myself anymore. Bila saja I get the news yang my friends mau tunang sudahlah, mau kawin sudalah, sebak tau hati dan perasaan saya. Why? Because I want to be in that shoe, so much. I want to be in his life, so much. This is my happiness. It's not just about living my life but I want my happiness too.

Susah sangat ka permintaan saya ni? Why? Why parents saya tidak mau mengerti hati dan perasaan saya? As much as I am their daughter, first and foremost I am a woman. I have needs that only a man, this man, can achieve it for me. It's time I tell them what I want for my life, what I want for my happiness. It's just the time. 

Sharing my good news

I don't really know whether I should post this or not because some of 'you', my readers, are actually viewing my blog on my request. Anyway, saya ada ini deep feeling in my heart that's tugging me to share it here. So, okay. Here I go.. I'm getting married, very soon!

Finally, I've found the real reason why I want to get married. Because I love my man and I want his baby(ies). That's a calling, right there. I don't know what my future is going to be. I don't even know kalau perjalanan saya selepas kawin akan lebih baik daripada perjalanan percintaan kami sekarang, yang pernah sampai dead-ends more than I can remember. But, satu perkara yang saya pasti, I want to be a part of his life. Not just a wife, a mother to his kids tapi as myself as his friend.

Yes, he is not better than other man, but to me he is special. Lama juga kami bersama. And banyak juga yang sudah kami lalui bersama. Our love story so far adalah macam jalan cerita Hindi. Very beautiful, very heartbreaking, very rough, very long, very tiring but most of all very rewarding. Our story lah what had made me become Sukacita Tuhan today. And for this, there is only One person that I can think of, yang had made it all possible. GOD.

So here I go again. I'm getting married very, very, very soon, and all thanks and glory and honour to GOD alone.